Lois and I were on our first date. We had met through a mutual friend at a party and decided to spend most of the day together. We were really hitting it off at lunch when suddenly my IBS flared up. For those of you that don't know IBS is Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

I excused myself to go to the washroom but halfway there it was already too late.. I took a dump in my pants. It was a terrible mess when I got to the washroom... I did what I could to clean up the my underwear was toast and the smell was just awful. Now "commando" I plotted my next move.

Thinking fast I asked Lois if we could stop by The Gap, which was in the mall, and then attempted to keep as far away from her as possible. My pants were soiled on the inside and needed to be changed so I figured I could just buy a new pair and swap them out without her knowing.

I told Lois I was buying a sweater and picked one out. Discretely I also grabbed a pair of kahkis and headed for checkout. There I told the girl to please ring up the pants but that I didn't want the sweater.

Next I told Lois I needed to wash my hands and headed for the washroom right inside the Gap. Lois said she'd meet me at Second Cup. The Gap is on the 2nd floor near the Mall's loading zone so I figured I could simply toss my pants out the window, put on the new pair and be home free.

Phase I, nobody outside, out go the pants. Phase II open bag... "oh oh, what the"... the checkout girl gave me the sweater instead of the pants!

After sitting there for about 20 minutes and with no other option I slipped the sweater over my legs using the arm holes, ran straight to my car, and drove home.

I now have 3 irate messages from Lois on my phone... how could I possibly tell her what really happened?

My life sucks!